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Guest shattered

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAKS:

Skinny People get 30 minutes for Lunch, as they need to Eat more. so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minute for Lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for Lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a Doctor's statement as proof of Sickness. If you are able to go to the Doctor, You are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restrooms. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will

be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

SURGERY:

As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs.You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of Employment.

Thank you for your Loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.Therefore, all Questions, Comments, Concerns, Complaints, Frustrations, Irritations, Aggravations, Insinuations, Allegations, Accusations, Contemplation, Consternation and Input should be directed elsewhere.

Have A Nice Week!

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Dear Staff,

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a Doctor's statement as proof of Sickness. If you are able to go to the Doctor, You are able to come to work.

Funny as hell. :poop:dunno

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