something funny

July 7, 2006

so don't get all political on my ass

Rules for the Non Military (wives are exempt):>>>>>> Dear Civilians,>>>> We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation>has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For>those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few>of the areas where we would like your assistance:>>>>

1. The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat)>during the playing of the National Anthem---kick their ass.>>>>

2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American>Flag in protest---kick their ass.>>>>

3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the>highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing>otherwise, quietly pull him or her aside and explain how these veterans>fought for the very freedom they enjoy daily. Enlighten them on the many>sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold>them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.>>>>

4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend>that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues,>telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI>Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old.>Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.>>>>

5. Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask>them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot.>Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).>>>>

6. If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard>'non-military', inform them of their mistake---and kick their ass.>>>>

7. Next time Old Glory (the US Flag) prances by during a>parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand>over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky>enough to be carrying her---of course, failure to do either of those>could earn you a severe ass-kicking.>>>>

8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a>veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our>party affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our>Commander-In-Chief (CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is>our CinC regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what>happens inside those big important buildings where all those>representatives meet. All we know is that when those civilian>representatives screw up>> the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it>out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you>will get your ass kicked!>>>>

9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me---stop>saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore,>could kick your ass!>>>>

10. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop>saying 'Let's go kill those Commies!' And stop asking us where he is!>Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds>me---if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me>know, so I can go kick their ass!>>>>

11. 'Flyboy' (Air Force), 'Jarhead' (Marines), 'Grunt' (Army),>'Squid'(Navy), 'Puddle Jumpers' (Coast Guard), etc., are terms of>endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service>member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. That could>get your ass kicked.>>>>

12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of>the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving>and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please>remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors,>marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their>families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every>day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.">>>>

SPECIAL FOOTNOTE: If you ever hear anyone singing the national>anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR ASS - OR CALL ME AND I WILL KICK THEIR>ASS. Remember, it is the Veteran, not the reporter who has given us the>freedom of the press. It is the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us>the freedom of speech. It is the Veteran, not the campus organizer, who>gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the Military who salutes the>flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the>flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.>>>> Please pass this on so I won't have to kick your ass!