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ACURA

Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile

Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

Awful,Crappy,Unreliable, Rusty Automobile

Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents

All Cars Usually Require Adjustment

Any Child Understands Real Automobiles

Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents

A Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?

Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead

AMC

All Makes Combined

A Major Cost

A Mutated Car

A Moron's Car

Another Major Catastrophe

Another Mess of Crap

AUDI

Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BEETLE

Battered Everywhere, Expect To Lose Engine

BMW

Babbling Mechanical Wench

Beastly Mechanical Wonder

Big Money Waste

Blasphemous Motorized Wreck

Bought My Wife

Brings Me Women

Break My Window

Broken Monstrous Wonder

Beautiful Mechanical Wonder

Big Money Works

Brutal Money Waster

BUICK

Butt Ugly Import Car Killer

Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer

Butt Ugly In Central Kentucky

Built Under the Inspection of a Crazy Korean

Bought Understanding It Can't Kickbutt

CADILLAC

Crazy Aunt Drives It Like A Lunatic Across the Country

Car And Driver Indicates Lady Luck Abandoned Consumer

CAMARO

Can't America Make A Real One?

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

Car Has Extensive Rattle On Long Trips

Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping

Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time

Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Runs On Luck Every Time

CHEVY

Charged HEaVilY

Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet

Cruddy Hick Engine Very Yucky

Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Yearly

CHRYSLER

Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs

Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's

Collection of Half Realized Yet Somehow Likeable Engineering Research

Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair

CHRYCO

Cherry Hot Rod You Can't Outrun

Chrysler Has Run Your Chebby Off

CITROEN

Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters

DATSUN

Detroit's Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips

DODGE

Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter

Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere

Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere

Dangerous On Days Gears Engage

Death Overcomes Driver's Generous Ego

Driven Only During Grey Evenings

Dead On Delivery, Go Easy

Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired

Department Of Defense's Grossest Error

Don't Over Drive Gutless Engine

Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater

Dear Old Dad's Garage Experiment

Edsel

Every Day Something Else Leaks

FIAT

Failure In Automotive Technology

Fix It Again Tony

Fix It Alltha Time

F**ked In the Ass Twice

Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD

F**ked over rebuilt Dodge

Flip over read directions

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found On Rockville Dump

Fails On Rainy Days

Fastest On Race Day

Fastest On Road Daily

First On Race Day (proven false)

Fourth On Race Day (of the "Big Three", fourth is pretty bad!)

First On Recall Day

First On Road to Dump

First On Rust and Deterioration

Found On Road Dead

Found On Rubbish Dump

Four Old Rusty Doors

Fool Only Runs Downhill (expletive replaced)

Driver Returns On Foot (backwards)

Fault Of R&D

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

Features O.J. and Ron's DNA

F'in's Owner's Really Dumb

Fatally Obese Redneck Driver

Freaky Obsolete Racing Device

Fireball On Rear Denting

Fork Over Repair Dough

Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed

Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable

Forward Only, Reverse Defective

Forced On Reluctant Drivers

GEO

Get Everyone Out

Grotesque Engineering Outdated

Getting Even Ourway

Got Engine, Oh?

Get 'Er Outtahere

Good Engineering Overlooked

GM

Get a Mopar!

Grungy Merchandise

General Maintenance

Great Mistake

Gluteus Maximus

Grossly Misconceived

GMC

Garage Mechanics Companion

General Mass of Crap

Generally Mediocre Cars

Got a Mechanic Coming

Got More Crap

Get More Chicks

Great Muscle Cars

Garage Man's Companion

Gotta Mechanic Coming?

GTO

Get Tickets Often

Get Tires Often

HONDA

Helping Out Nips Destroying America

How Odd-No Damn Acceleration

Hold Overs Not Doing Anything

Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile

Hand Over Dollars to Asians

Had One Never Did Again

Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything

Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else

Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles

HYUNDAI

Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive

IROC

Idiot Runs Over Cats

Ignorant Redneck Owns Car

I'm Really Out of Cash

Italian Retard Out Cruising

I Race Other Cars

I Race On Credit

I Run Over Children

It's Really Only a Camaro

JAGUAR

Jags Always Guarantee Unlimited Astronomical Repairs

JEEP

Just Eats Every Part

Just Everyone Elses Parts

Just Empty Every Pocket

Junk Engineering Executed Poorly

LTD

Long Term Debt

Lousy Transportation Dammit

Long Term Disability

MAZDA

Most Always Dangerously Zipping Along

Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly

Making A Zillion Dollars Annually

MERCEDES

Money Envy Reliably Causes every Derogatory Expletive to Surface

METRO

Monkeys Engineered This Road Obstacle

Mileage's Everything; Torque, Running's Out

Mangey Environmentalist Transporter Rusts On

My Endeared Transportatin Rusted Out

Martha, Every Thing Rattles Off!

May Every Thing Rattle On

May Endure Teasing, Ridicule, and Ostracism

MG

Might Go

Mobile Garbage

Money Guzzler

Money Grabber

MGB

Might Go Backwards

Miata

My Intention: Always To Accelerate

MITSUBISHI

May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside

Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents

MOPAR

Made Of Plastic And Rubber

Most Often Passed At Races

Most Often Proven At the Racetrack

Most OverPowered And Respected

Massively OverPowered And Respected

Mostly Old Parts And Rust

Mostly Old Paint And Rust

Mounds Of Power And Revs

Move Over, Pentastar Approaching Rapidly

MOst Perfect Automobiles for Racing

Masters Or Performance and Racing

Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars

My Old Pig Ain't Running

My Old Pig Always Roars

My Old Plymouth Ain't Runnin.

More Overall Performance And Reliability

Mostly Obsolete Parts Assembled Randomly

Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously

Most Often Passed At Races

My Only Problems Are Repairs

Move Over People Are Racing

MUSTANG

Massively Ugly Sh*tpile That's Always No Good

Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

NISSAN

Never I Shall Steal Another Nissan

Now in Stupid Shape, Always Nasty

OLDS

One Leak, Dead Starter

Older, Louder, Dumber, Slower

Obnoxious, Loud Death Sled

OLDSMOBILE

Oh Look, Dammit! Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everything

Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday

Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel

Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO

Put In Nickel To Operate

Performance Is Not The Object

Put In New Transmission Often

Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

Pyrotechnics Is Naturally The Object

PLYMOUTH

Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!

Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, all Underestimating This Heap

PONTIAC

Poor Old Nitwit Thinks It's A Cadillac

PORSCHE

Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense

Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions

Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine

Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine

Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough

Pity Only Rich Suckers Can Have 'Em

PROBE

Plainly Runs Only By Exception

RENAULT

Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back

Slick As A Brick

Swedish Auto - Always Broken

Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

Swedish Auto's Are Best

Sad Attempt At Beauty

Sorry Auto, Always Broken

Shape Appears Ass-Backward

SATURN

Sorry About That Unexpected Recall Notice

SUBARU

Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

U R A BUS (read backwards)

Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All

Transportation Of Young Or Tasteless Airheads

Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass

The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH

The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily

This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!

Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt

VOLVO

Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW

Virtually Worthless

STP

Stop Those Pistons

NAPA

Never Any Parts Available

What a Car Really Says About Its Owner

Acura Integra- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

Acura Legend- I'm too bland for German cars

Acura NSX- I am impotent

Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires

Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people

Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette

Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Datsun 280Z- I have a kilo of (0(41|\|3 in my wheel well

Dodge Dart-I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Ford SPAM - I'm a red-headed nanny

Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones

Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them

Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda del Sol- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit

Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse-I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6-I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.

Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)

Mercedes 500SL- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

Mazda Miata- I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler

MGB- I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either

Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....

Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List

Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena

Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal

Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more

Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet

Volkswagon Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagon Cabriolet- I am out of the closet

Volkswagon Microbus- I am tripping right now

Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife

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