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why athletes can't have real jobs

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yeah, I want my kids looking up to these dumbasses.

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role

model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me.

I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about

the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards,

whichever comes first."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,

John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Football commentator and former player, Joe Theismann,

1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius

is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys

line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in

groups of three, and then line up in a circle," (and this guy's

a coach).

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up

again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect

him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years,

not Princeton."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training

regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets

up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,

explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous

at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if

I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

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