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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your

chickens until they hatch."

"That was a fine story Lucy." "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm; her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun; a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break; then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't screw with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"

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Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on

TV. The Evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go

To their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on

The body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up and

Slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her


Hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her great pain.

Then Grandpa (Oom Frikie) got up, went to the TV and placed his

Right hand on the set and his left hand on his private parts.

Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just

Don't get it, do you??!!

The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, NOT to

Raise the dead!!!

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