what not to name your dog..

May 24, 2004

What Not to Name Your Dog

Everybody who has a dog names him "Rover" or "Spot". I named mine "s*x." Now, s*x has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to renew his dog license, I told the clerk, "I would like a license for s*x." He said, "I'd like to have one too!" I said, "But this is a dog." He said, "I don't care what she looks like." I said, "You don't understand. I've had s*x since I was nine years old." He said, "You must have been quite a kid."

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for s*x. He said that every room in the place was for s*x. I said, "You don't understand. s*x keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me, too."

One day I entered s*x in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have s*x in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But, you don't understand," I said. "I had hoped to have s*x on TV." He called me a showoff.

When my wife and I divorced, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had s*x before I was married." The judge said, "Me, too." Then I told him that after I was married, s*x disappeared. He said, "I know."

Last night s*x ran off again! I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?" I said I was looking for s*x.

My case comes up Friday.