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Men VS Women

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Got this from a local forum. Sorry ladies..

# 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,

put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't

hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

# 2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

# 3. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing

of the tides. Let it be.

# 4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never

going to think of it that way.

# 5. Crying is blackmail.

# 6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll get it for

you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!

# 7. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and

anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently


# 8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes

you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair,

out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

# 9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to

almost every question. Please pick one.

# 10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help

solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your

girlfriends are for.

# 11. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a

problem. See a doctor.

# 12. Let us know about that funny noise in your car

engine as soon as you hear it.

# 13. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible

in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and

void after 7 days.

# 14. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,

don't expect us act like soap opera guys.

# 15. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't

ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love you.

# 16. If something we said can be interpreted two

ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we

meant the other one.

# 17. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have

to say during commercials.

# 18. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and

neither do we.

# 19. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default

settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin

is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

# 20. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

# 21. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our

lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we

care about you.

#22. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we

will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,

but it is just not worth the hassle.

# 23. If you ask a question you don't want an answer

to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

# 24. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything

you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!!

# 25. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the

quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

# 26. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape

# 27. Yes, I know, I have

to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we

really don't mind that, it's like campin'

#28. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably

never be able to support you.

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Guest tintchick

this is the one I just got from a friend :spit not funny!

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.


Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows

them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.


How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."


How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.


Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to

build up the required pressure.


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.


I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes

a woman's s*x drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.


Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.


Women will never be equal to men until they can

walk down the street with a bald head and a beer

gut, and still think they are sexy.


In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


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Guest H?perOptik

ermmmm.. why dont men just sit down to pee? :lol I mean, you sit down to take a dump right? do you stand up during that session to pee?

no need to aim :inot good especially when drunk.. :spit:spit

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