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The Never Ending Story


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Guest Malcolm E Boo

And then I remembered that he was cryogenically frozen. e must have been brought back to life.

I hope they do the same with Walt Disney.

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We got Malcolm trying to have buttsex with every character in the friggin' book for GAWD sakes! First, the (male) guard at the

checkpoint, and then with Peggy.....who's a MAN! Hello! :bat

I'll clean it up......gimme a few hours...... :spit

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Dumbfounded, I straighten out My Fro, put on the new glasses, and go to find Yuri. He leads Me out to the stage, in front of everybody eating breakfast.

I stand there nervously for a minute, and then Peggy walks up to Me and whispers in My ear....

"On a hot summer night.

Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?""Yes" I replied...

Peggy say's "I bet You say that to all the boys"....Peggy leaves quickly and the lights drop. What now? I think to Myself.

Suddenly I remember the 1970's microphone stuffed where My left AsssCheek used to be. I pull it out, turn it on, and

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Ok, here it is all cleaned up.... :spit

I was born a poor black child living with my

uncle dad. Deep down in my heart I knew I didn't belong since I have a

terrible growth on the backside of My throbbing infected butt Cheek. Surgical removal was not a

expensive procedure, so I had them remove it. Finally, free of My desire for drag queens,

AND My unsightly appendage, I joined the circus and became the highet paid

elephant poop picker upper EVAH.

Since being a Pooper Scooper had become featured on "Dirty Jobs" my fame quickly spread.

Unfortunately, with My newfound fame and fortune, came a request from the CIA to become a spy in the Moscow Circus.

The Moscow Circus happened to be looking for an ass-less poop picker upper so I packed up My bags, boarded a plane, and flew to Moscow.

Now, In a strange country, alone, bedraggled, and ass-less I headed straight for the secret rendezvous with My Russian handler Yuri. The

first words out of His mouth were "where's Your ass at"?

Yuri soon got the whole story and said his cousin had the same condition.

Yuri proceeded to take Me to Siberia, where the training grounds were. In My hut, with little food to spare, and half a tube of Ass-effects, I

fell back on my experiences as a poor black child and cooked up a fabulous meal of Kool-Aid, Chicken Guts, and Okra. Stuffed, I fluffed up

My straw pillow and fell fast asleep.

Soon I was awaken by a panicked Yuri who had wet the bed . Seeing Yuri's soaked pajamas, surprised because Yuri was a hardened

assassin, that he wasn't 'commando', I knew something was seriously wrong.

Apparently on his last gig he had a horrible experience with an elephant, a stripper and some tomatoes.

So I told Yuri to go back to bed. Orders would be in in the morning.

When the yak bellowed at sunrise, I awoke to the FOUL stench of a urine soaked Yuri. "Them white folk are NASTY", I thought to Myself as I

tried to remember where the hell I had put My Gelusil and Preperation-H.

Yuri, looking quite sober handed me a packet. I could only assume it was my orders. Trembling, I opened up the packet, and out popped My

severed appendage , and My orders. I was to report to the "Royal Moscow Circus of the Stars" for a STARRING role as the Chief Poopah Scoopah!

Holy Crap, I thought to myself, it's about time! But WHAT was My appendage doing waaaay over here? Shrugging to Myself, I

marked the package return to sender. Some obscure south American address.

Wary that there was more to this situation that meets the eye, I arranged for it to be shipped with UPS to ensure maximum delays. Knowing UPS

would mangle my ass, I felt a little sad.

I could hear Yuri laughing hysterically in the next room, so I finished picking my fro and went to investigate

My eyes struggled with what I was seeing..... Yuri, watching Happy Days reruns, is anxious to get going and tells me to get my half-ass and my fro moving.

So I patted the pocket on my half ass to make sure I had my wallet and followed Yuri out the door.

He hands me a microphone that was made in the early 70's and tells me to hide it on my "person".

Well the most logical place would be my half ass, so I tuck it in there and ask Yuri if he can tell. He says'' Its OK hemorrhoids are common

around here nobody should notice"

We proceeded to the street and hailed a taxi, which was really weird considering we were in Siberia.

I had a feeling something wasn't right. And that feeling suddenly exploded as the world fell out of my bottom

I knew that I should not have eaten those magic mushrooms on toast.

Just at that moment we arrived at a check point and Yuri told me to "be cool". I proceeded to vomit in his lap. I looked at his lap.

Is that where my cuff link went, I thought. It's no wonder people look at me all the time; I'm a black, cufflink wearing, afro scratching,

half assed pooper scooper; who wouldn't want to be me?

I suddenly remembered how I swallowed the cuff link.....They take Vodka pretty seriously in Russia.

The checkpoint guard raps his flashlight against the window and asks our driver for his papers all the while looking right at me.

I could feel his man love through the glass as he stared with those come to bed eyes.

OH PHUCK !!! the shrooms are kicking in !!! The guard asked the driver who we were and I half sharted. Yuri suddenly got out of the cab and

showed the guard some papers...along with a few thousand Rubles.

Yuri got back in and the guard waved us through. The driver opened the window as the smell of puke and poo was just too much.

The blonde on the passenger seat was cute though. I have got to get this microphone outta my ass I think myself, especially as it was amplifying

the sound of my farts.

Just then the driver handed me a note and in broken English said, "Don't fock this up!"

Going to present the national breakfast TV show was bad enough looking like this but now the drivers note made the pressure unbearable.

I threw up again. I show up at the stage entrance and there is Richard Dawson. Damn, I thought this guy died.

And then I remembered that he was cryogenically frozen. e must have been brought back to life.

I hope they do the same with Walt Disney.

As I'm being walked to the green room, I happened to pass by an open door, where I could swear I heard, "This is Peggy, how may I help you?".

Man she is ugly, I though, No wonder they don't release her in to the community.

Just then "Peggy" runs up to me and says, "The weather in Minsk is nice this time of year".

That was the code phrase the taxi driver handed me. What was the response!?

I can't remember, so I took her into her little room and shut the door behind us.

I bent her over her desk And said ''Bears wear fur coats". Peggy opened the drawer of her desk and handed me a a pair of glasses. I took the glasses

and bolted out of the room.

Dumbfounded, I straighten out My Fro, put on the new glasses, and go to find Yuri. He leads Me out to the stage, in front of everybody eating breakfast.

I stand there nervously for a minute, and then Peggy walks up to Me and whispers in My ear....

"On a hot summer night.

Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?""Yes" I replied...

Peggy say's "I bet You say that to all the boys"....Peggy leaves quickly and the lights drop. What now? I think to Myself. Suddenly I remember

the 1970's microphone stuffed where My left AsssCheek used to be.

I pull it out, turn it on, and

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