SQUEEGEE'S JOKE OF THE DAY

[Guest H?perOptik]

A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations." The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

[TintDude]

it was funnier the first time

[Guest H?perOptik]

I only submitted once... not sure why it's repeated :lol

[Guest tinterjim]

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on s*x, marriage, and values.

Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Merv replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my

intelligence come from?"

The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,

'cause I still have mine."

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court

Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"

"That's very fair, your " honor," the husband said. "And every now and then

I'll try to send her a few bucks myself"

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like

the looks of your wife at all,"

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good

with the kids."

[Guest H?perOptik]

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome.

A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it and they could see what they thought.

They all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her.

Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."

Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps. They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nvde. If his member is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if it's pointed to the left, golf left-handed."

One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?"

She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

[Guest Blade]

[Guest H?perOptik]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, its winter in Minnesota, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

[Guest H?perOptik]

A mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was probably having s*x. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and that this would reflect badly on the whole family, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He recommended that she arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

That evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about her visit to the doctor and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying:

"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

[Guest H?perOptik]

Young Charles' girlfriend's father was interviewing him. "So," said that

impressive personage, "you want to be my so-in-law, do you?

"Not particularly," said Charles tactlessly, "but if I want to marry your

daughter I haven't much choice, have I?"

[Guest H?perOptik]

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.

A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"