SQUEEGEE'S JOKE OF THE DAY

[Guest SQUEEGEE]

Last Child Support Payment

Today is my daughters 18th birthday.......I'm so glad that this is my last

damn child support payment. Month after month, year after year, those

damn payments! So I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and

when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last

check over to your mothers house and tell her that this is the last damn

check she's ever going to get from me, and I want you to tell me the

expression on her face." So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was

so anxious to hear what the b***h had to say and what she looked like.

As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, "Now what did she have to

say?" "She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy..."

[Guest thetintshop]

[Guest blackglass]

[Guest thetintshop]

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129." The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her

leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129." Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a Bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you may miss a great opportunity

[Guest fastlanedesigns]

Excellent, even the wife laughed at that one, she likes me to be well informed!

[Guest thetintshop]

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my pen!s and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

Moral of the Story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

[Guest thetintshop]

One day, in a peaceful forest, a fly buzzed over a stream.

In the stream, a salmon was swimming, and it looked up and saw the fly. It thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, I'd be able to jump up, catch it, and I'd have myself something to eat."

Alongside the stream, a bear was standing. The bear looked at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, that salmon would jump up to catch it, and I could jump out, snag that salmon, and I'd have myself something to eat."

Across the stream, up a steep slope, a hunter was hidden in the brush. The hunter looked at the fly, and thought to himself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, that salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, and I could jump up, shoot the bear, and I'd have myself a new trophy."

Hidden in the grass behind the hunter was a mouse. The mouse looked at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, the salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, the hunter would jump up to shoot the bear, the sandwich in the hunter's pocket would fall out, and I'd have myself something to eat."

A bit higher up the slope, on a jutting rock, sat a pussy cat. The pussy cat looked down at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, the salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, the hunter would jump up to shoot the bear, the sandwich in the hunter's pocket would fall out, the mouse would hop over to get the sandwich, I could leap down on it, and I'd have myself something to eat."

At that moment, the fly dropped down about a half an inch. The salmon leapt up and caught the fly, the bear leapt out and snagged the salmon, the hunter jumped up and shot the bear, the mouse hopped out and started to eat the hunter's sandwich, and the pussy cat leapt down to catch the mouse...but it missed. It rolled down the slope, and fell into the stream.

Moral of the Story: A lot of things have to happen for a pussy to get wet.

[TintDude]

oh man

[Guest Rama]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like s*x?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?

Because Janet Reno is her real father.

How did the tugboat get AIDs?

It was rear-ended by a ferry.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and

good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have s*x?

Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and lawyer in a BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always just under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during s*x?

Mace will do that to you.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do Drivers' Education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the s*x Ed class uses it.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They're hiring.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?

A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage

-- along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern

fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..."

A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiot ..."

[Image Tint]